A New Life: BPOV Outtakes from Some Life in Me
by Pinkpixiechick
Summary: Take a look inside Bella's mind. Companion piece to Some Life in Me. Rated M for Duh. Enjoy!


**A/N: This is an outtake for Some Life in Me. I originally wrote it as a contribution for the Fics For Nashville fundraiser. Thank you to everyone who was involved in that project, whether you hosted, sponsored, wrote or bought. **

**Here is a little glimpse into Bella's mind, shortly after coming to live with Edward. **

**Of course, I don't own Twilight, or the characters. But I do love my versions of them, almost as much as I love the originals.**

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_**Falling**_

I woke up feeling panicked. I immediately looked over at Jacob's baby bed. I was worried for a moment when I saw the blue-draped crib was empty, but then I remembered that Jacob was with Edward.

Because his timing was perfect, like always, I heard Edward's voice in the hallway. I couldn't understand what he was saying, but I recognized his voice. It was like dark navy blue velvet might sound, if it had a sound. Rich, deep, and soft as it surrounded me and made my skin all tingly with the feel of it.

Edward stopped outside my door, and I could hear Jacob. He was making the little growly-sounding noise he always makes when he's hungry. I had to cross my arms around my body at the inevitable tightening and rush of milk. That was always embarrassing. Even with pads stuffed into my bra to keep it from visibly displaying my new status as a dairy farm, I could still feel it, and it made me all self-conscious. Especially with Edward.

The door opened just a crack, and I heard that voice fill my crowded room.

"Bella?" Edward called out, quietly, but then louder. "Bella, I think Jacob is hungry, may I bring him in?"

"Come in... it's okay. I'm awake." I threw the blanket off to the side, suddenly warm. I sat up, crossing my legs beneath me. I was sure my hair was a mess, and I tried to smooth it down quickly.

Edward walked into my room, suddenly filling the space with his tall frame. My breath caught. He was all flushed and sweaty. I remembered Emmett challenging him to a basketball game before I came upstairs. His bronze hair was damp and drooped over his clear green eyes. His t-shirt was slightly damp, too, and clung to his long, lean body and broad shoulders. His lips, even more perfect now that I knew what they felt like against mine, curled up in to that half-smile that makes my heart pound, even when I'm just dreaming about it.

I stopped ogling Edward, reaching for Jacob and distracting myself with cooing at him. I was very grateful for the nap, but I had still missed my son. Jacob immediately started bumping his nose into my breast. His little mouth was opening and closing as he searched for his dinner. Automatically, I shrugged out of my button down shirt and went to pull the strap of my tank top down, but stopped, looking at Edward. We'd kissed...a lot...today, even made out in his bed this morning, but my clothes had stayed firmly on my body. I was nervous enough at the idea of being naked in front of Edward, and if I was ever going to go there, I didn't want it to be because I was feeding Jacob.

Edward was watching me with an odd expression, but he shook his head and flashed that crooked smile again.

"I'll let you..." He gestured towards Jacob, making a cradling motion like feeding a baby. I struggled in vain not to blush, and hoped it was dark enough in the room to hide it. "Um. I need a shower. But if, after you get Jacob settled, you want to come see me. I'd like to have some time to just...talk with you," he finished.

"Okay," I answered, quietly. He started to move but paused again, shook his head and then started moving.

"Okay, see you soon," he said, as he quickly ducked out of my room, closing the door behind him. I heard him walk down the hall, disappear, and then the faint hum of his shower starting.

I got Jacob settled into the crook of my arm, leaning back on the extremely fluffy pillows for support while he nursed. My thoughts were on Edward, of course. They'd been there all day.

That was very dangerous. And stupid.

Ever since he burst out of the dirty corner of the old train station to defend me against those men, Edward had been nothing but...perfect. He was like my guardian angel. I was certain he had saved our lives that night. He saved us again at the hospital. And somehow, he conjured up a life in the suburbs with an equally kind and generous family, just as I thought I was going to end up losing my son to the foster care system.

It was all too good to be true, and I was dangerously close to falling for everything.

I had believed in James, my...ex-boyfriend, I guess. I had fallen for his confidence and sharp blue eyes. He'd flirted with me and called me "Beautiful". I felt grown up under his constant attention. He was far more exciting than the boys at school, and he found _me _interesting, which was more than they ever did. I never did fall in love with him, like I expected to. I was fascinated for a while, but his cockiness turned into demanding and unpredictable behavior. And when I tried to get away, six months pregnant with his baby, he started getting violent. When he found out I was still planning on leaving him, just a few days before Jacob was born...well, things got really ugly. I was already pretty good at pushing that from my mind.

I wondered if my dad, if he was still alive , would have recognized James as the jerk he turned out to be, or if he would have been fooled like mom and I were. Of course, he would have known. Dad would have never let James within twenty feet of the house. He would never have let him lay a finger on me. Alice wasn't fooled; she hated James from the start. She was never wrong about people, just like dad. I should have listened.

I was such an idiot.

I was deathly afraid I was doing it again, falling for a man that would just end up hurting me.

I tried to remember Charlie, my dad, and how he could size up a person. I wished for Alice's sharp eyes and intuition. I didn't want to be wrong about Edward. He was so different from anything I had ever known. I had no idea what was going to happen between us, but I was hopelessly drawn to see it through. I just didn't want to get hurt again, physically or emotionally. And I had to protect Jacob.

Two things made me brave enough to wait up for Edward last night. One was how he was with Jacob. If I didn't know better, I'd think that Jacob really was his son. He held him easily, he spoke to him with such tenderness it made my heart ache. When he offered to pretend to be Jacob's father, I really thought it was just a formality. He was helping us out, keeping us out of the system. I just never expected him to _act _like Jacob's father. I didn't expect him to act like I remembered Charlie being with me and Alice.

The second was Alice's words. She was acting mad at Edward, but only because she was being protective of me against Edward's grouchy mood. After he drove away, wherever he went, we went up to my room, so I could feed and put Jacob to bed, and she suddenly spun around and squealed with delight like only Alice can.

"Bellllaaaaa!" Her voice always drew out the words when she was excited. "He will come around. Soon! Maybe tonight!"

I knew what she was getting at. Since the night Edward had brought her back here, she had gone on about how it was 'fate' that brought Edward and I together.

I didn't want to get my hopes up, though, I was still feeling like I was in shock from my time with James. And Edward was still so...sad. There was no way I was anything like his wife.

And I didn't want to be stupid again.

"Pfft!" Alice waved her hand when I scoffed at her predictions. "He wants you. Seeing you go off with that Mike guy today drove him up the wall! He just has to sort some things out in his head."

I had objected, but she just rolled her eyes at me. She dug through the small dresser that I kept my limited wardrobe in, preparing to dress me like she always had, and chattered about the blond baseball player she had flirted with at the game, entirely confident that he was going to call her. I wished that I had her confidence.

"Alice, I don't want to be wrong again." I finally voiced my fear.

She gave me a sympathetic smile, almost in tears herself. "I know, sis. But, you're not going to be. _Listen _to me," she demanded, staring directly at me. "I _like _Edward."

I took the hint. Alice had been very vocal in her objections to my relationship with James. I wasn't going to bet against her this time.

The water in the next room had shut off, bringing me back to the present. I felt Jacob relax in my arms as he drifted to sleep. I burped him quickly and changed him, dressing him in warm pajamas with little elephants parading around the waist and swaddling him tightly in his blanket. i changed into my own pajamas. They were a new pair Alice and I had bought today, dark blue in the softest material I had ever felt. The top fastened down the front with tiny gem-shaped buttons, and the shorts had short ruffle around the legs that made me feel fun and girly. I shifted my chest around in the soft bra I still wore even at night to keep the leaks to a minimum. The buttons pulled slightly across my breasts, but the next size up had drowned me.

I brushed my hands over my body, making sure nothing was falling out anywhere, and wishing my stomach was flatter and not all mushy pregnancy leftovers. I checked myself in the mirror, brushing out my hair and sighing as I deemed everything as good as it was going to get.

This morning, I had been caught up in a fit of bravery and a dare from Alice, and walked right into his room. Now, I was nervous. What if he wasn't dressed? That question both frightened and excited me. I told myself to stop being a chicken, grabbed the doorknob, and cracked open the door.

Soft music filled the empty room ahead of me and I could see his iPod plugged into the expensive looking stereo on the far side of the room. One of the bedside lamps was lit, lighting the room in a warm golden glow. This room was beautiful. Warm wood framed the bed and made up the shelves. The walls were a soothing neutral shade, set off by the gold bedspread. It was sloppily made, which made me giggle.

I heard some sounds coming from around the corner, and then a low buzzing noise I couldn't identify. I walked through the room, picking up a blue throw pillow off the floor that I nearly tripped on and tossing it in the chair in the corner. The sound got louder the closer I got, and I finally rounded the corner towards the master bathroom.

The door was open, or rather, there didn't seem to be a door. Steam from his shower still swirled in the air, as the fan worked to push it outside. It smelled like fresh towels and Edward in here. That warm, slightly spicy scent that made me salivate. I was about to knock on the door frame before looking in, but a movement caught my eye. I froze as I took in the sight of him.

He was wearing a pair of soft-looking, dark green flannel sleep pants that sat low on his hips. His back was to me and it looked like he was trimming his beard. I could hardly pay attention to that though. I was mesmerized by the smooth outlines of the muscles in his back. He wasn't overly muscled, not the massively ripped bulging muscles, like those Quileute boys. Just perfectly shaped, long, lean muscle under smooth pale skin. I was speechless. My eyes traveled up, and I could see the muscles in his shoulder and upper arm flexing as he moved the electric trimmer over his beard.

This perfect man wanted me? I shook my head in disbelief and knocked on the door frame. I didn't want to get caught staring like a drooling fangirl over a movie star.

I took a breath when his arm flexed again as he shut off the trimmers and I caught his eye in the mirror. I melted just a little when he smiled at me.

"I wasn't sure if I should just come in or not," I stammered. His eyebrow raised and he smirked at me slightly, probably remembering that I didn't have a problem just walking in this morning. I felt my cheeks warm and waved my hand lamely at his t-shirt that was hanging over the back of the short chair next to the vanity. "I can come back if you..." I let the sentence trail off, since I didn't really want to leave.

"No!" Edward called out, sharply, spinning around to face me. "You're fine, keep me company."

He still had that half-smile-smirk, more obvious now that his beard was a lot thinner. He took my hand, sending those little lightening bolts that shot straight to my stomach whenever he touched me. I tried to smile back as he led me into the room, but I was distracted by his naked chest. It was perfect, of course. Like his back, it was lean and lightly defined. No bulging six-pack of muscles, but flat and just a hint of definition in all the right places. Light colored hair accentuated the lines of his chest and stomach instead of obscuring them. It looked soft.

I had to tear my eyes from him, so I looked around the room. If my mouth wasn't gaping from my open ogling of his gorgeous body, it was over this room.

"My god. Don't ever let Alice see this room. She will kick you out." I laughed loudly, picturing Alice's reaction if she ever saw this room.

It was her dream. Absolutely huge, with a large shower with multiple shower heads tucked into a stone alcove and a glass wall dividing it from the room. There was a tiny closet of a room that contained the toilet. There were separate vanities, a his and hers sort of thing, one on either side of the biggest bathtub I had ever seen. I probably could lay down in the bottom completely flat. Alice could lay down next to me and we'd still have room left over. There were windows that angled upwards. It was dark out now, but there was probably a good view of the back yard and the mountains from there.

"Well, then, let's keep Alice out, okay?" Edward grinned at me. His eyes got that same intense look he gave me last night right before he kissed me. And like last night, my stomach tightened and my heart flip-flopped. "You, on the other hand, are welcome to use it as you desire," he finished.

I blushed deeply at that, as my imagination suddenly replaced Alice with Edward in the tub with me, this time filled with warm water and bubbles - like some scene out of a romantic movie.

I turned away from the tempting bathtub, and sat on the end of the vanity he was using, drawing my legs up and leaning against the wall.

"Maybe I will," I said, but I needed to change the subject. "Jacob is sleeping. I think you guys wore him out." I was grateful for Emmett's acceptance of Jacob and our charade as much as I was for Edward's help. I didn't think I would trust anyone with my child, but they were all as protective as I was, and seemed to love him nearly as much, as well.

Edward gave a low laugh that made me feel all warm. He picked up a small cup from the counter and poured some powder and water into it. I watched, curious about what he was doing until he picked up a big fluffy brush and started stirring. Memories from my childhood flooded my mind and I was reminded of Charlie shaving in the morning before he'd go to work at the police station. I had noticed he had trimmed his beard very close, but was surprised that it appeared he was going to actually shave it off.

"Are you really going to shave your beard off?" I asked. I was fidgeting with my hair, but I wasn't sure what to make of his actions. He had joked about shaving it off this morning while we were kissing, but I didn't actually expect him to do it. It seemed like...like a big deal.

"Well, yes." He smirked at me. "I can't be giving you any more ammunition for those old jokes. Among other things." His eyes dropped down to my neck, raking over my chest and shoulders. His emerald eyes turned jade and he brushed my collarbone with one perfect, long finger. I couldn't contain the shiver, both at his action and the memory of his lips on my skin this morning.

I felt my cheeks burn again. I spoke up quickly, before he could start shaving. I didn't want him to do this just for me. The beard was his armor in a way, I knew. "You don't have to, you know. Not for me."

He shrugged, apparently completely resolved. "It's time, too."

As he shaved, he asked me questions. He wanted to know the most trivial things about me. I told him my favorite color without blushing. A month ago my favorite color had been purple. Now it was green, for a pretty obvious reason, I thought, but he didn't seem to notice. We talked about favorite foods; he liked broccoli but not cauliflower and preferred fruit pies over cream pies, but liked cake more than both.

I was grateful for the easy topics, it was fun getting to know the little details that made up Edward, beyond the heartache and sadness. Also, I needed it because I was completely absorbed with watching him shave.

I was fascinated with the way his long fingers would delicately handle the sharp blade. He was going slowly, deliberately, being careful. I wondered how long it had been since he'd really shaved. His beard hadn't been completely mountain man when I'd first met him, just full and overgrown. My eyes followed every move his hands made, each pass with the blade, each time he'd smooth his fingers over the newly bared skin. I shivered to myself, remembering his touch, both last night and this morning. It wasn't even that sexual, he'd kept his hands in perfectly respectable places. But I clearly remembered how my skin would tingle as he brushed his fingers over my face or my neck.

I was never going to succeed at being smart and resisting him.

I compared this feeling, the tight, not unpleasant knot in my stomach, the warmth that spread over my skin, to how I had felt with James. I didn't want to think of him, but I couldn't help it.

James was always in need of sex. From the first time he kissed me, we had gone quickly in that way. At first, it was exciting, I'd never been touched that way, outside of a few awkward kisses from boys I didn't really like. He handled me roughly, and it would send my heart thundering in my chest and the nerves just under my skin crawling with over-stimulation. I tried to slow things down. I read Alice's Cosmos and tried the things they suggested. He always said he just couldn't get enough of me; he needed me too much to be patient and slow. The rough and sloppy touches were too much and not enough. It would be over before I could lose myself in the sensation. I gave up eventually, figuring out the fastest ways to get him off. Then walk back to my house, shaky and wanting, for my nightly shower.

Alice's Cosmos taught me that, too. At least some good came of those stupid articles.

For the first time in a long time, I wanted to actually _try _something.

I concentrated on breathing normally, not wanting him to ask where my mind had wandered. I distracted myself by mixing up some more lather for him when he ran low. Ever so slowly, perfect, smooth, yet still slightly rugged skin was revealed. I had seen pictures of him from before, with his family. He had perfectly crafted bone structure - that was evident even with the beard. His face was slowly being revealed to me now, like a strip tease. An inch at a time, from high cheekbone to perfectly angled jawbone. When he'd angle his chin upwards, his neck stretching as he shaved beneath his jaw, I nearly fell off the counter. Watching Edward shave was the most erotic thing I had ever experienced.

I breathed out a sigh as he rinsed the blade a final time. I could see him in the mirror, though he was still at an angle to me, so I hadn't gotten a full look at him. My eyes darted back and forth, from the familiar, yet unfamiliar, lines of his face, to the play of muscles beneath his skin as he splashed water on his face, rinsing himself clean of all the remaining lather. He reached blindly to one side for his towel, rubbing it over his face, neck and chest. I closed my eyes, while he wasn't looking, so I could compose myself.

I opened them, just as he pulled the towel down his chest and turned towards me, slowly. My eyes took in his new-to-me face.

"Well," he asked. I was surprised when his voice broke over the word. I realized that he was _afraid _of my reaction. That he was worried that _I_ wouldn't like it. Not just that, but he was literally laying himself bare, shedding his armor for me. He was giving me what he could, even when he didn't know what he had to give.

Now, the most erotic moment I had ever had, became the most _intimate _moment I had ever experienced.

I turned so that my legs could dangle over the edge of the counter, reaching for his hand to pull him over to me. I pushed the small vanity chair out from beneath the counter with my foot and tugged on his arm until he understood that I meant for him to sit down.

Seated on the low stool, with me on the counter, his handsome face was level with mine. He looked at me with such vulnerability, like he was really hanging on whether or not I would accept him with this new face. I saw his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed, gulping a breath. How did I express how much I accepted him for exactly how he was? There was a small part of me that mourned the loss of the beard, after all, my avenging angel had been fully bearded as he came to my rescue. But, it didn't matter. He was still Edward. Like a beard was going to change my gratefulness, or the connection I felt when we talked. Like it would make me smile less when he teased me.

I reached both hands up and felt the soft skin near his ears. With one fingertip on each side, I traced the edge of that perfect jawline, feeling nothing but skin, stopping just before his chin, just keeping my hands on his face.

"You're beautiful," I whispered.

His eyes closed, and I felt the muscles in his jaw flex and work as he shook slightly in my hands. I wanted him to understand that it wasn't just about being clean-shaved or bearded, though, so I continued as his eyes slowly reopened.

"You were before, I mean. I think you're beau...handsome either way, you know. Your eyes..." Oh my God, his eyes. They were a dark forest green right now, but the contrast against his fair skin took my breath away.

"You should put something on your face, though...razor burn is a terrible thing." I knew his skin had to feel raw after the constant cutting and scraping. He was just staring back at me, apparently frozen. The intensity, the intimacy of this moment was making my skin buzz and the air in the room thick and warm. Everything else faded to the background. It was like a magic spell. It was just me and Edward.

I kept one hand on his face, leaning over to find the tube of aftershave lotion.

I opened the tube, and squeezed it until I had a small amount of the lotion in my hand. It wasn't like hand lotion, more oily than creamy. I dropped the tube and coated both hands with the substance. I brought my hands to his cheeks, sighing contentedly to myself that I was able to touch him like this.

I massaged in the lotion over his jaw and cheeks, around his mouth, and then down over his neck. This felt good. Not just the warm roughness of his skin, but also to be able to care for him this way. There was so little I could do for him. But I could do this.

I poured more of the lotion into my hands and repeated the process, only in reverse. I made sure to cover every inch of newly exposed skin, behind the corners of his jaw and at the edge of the sideburns he had left. That hair was still soft, and I couldn't help but lightly drag my fingernails through it. I felt a shiver travel through my whole body as he let out a low, almost silent moan.

Stupid or not, I was falling for Edward. I wanted more of this feeling. I had been chasing the fantasy of this feeling for three years. I wanted to trust that Edward wouldn't hurt me. I was still afraid, but I knew I'd fall, mistake or not.

We were still silent, quiet enough that I could actually hear my hands sliding into his hair. He'd just showered and his hair was slightly damp as I gripped it lightly in my fingers. His eyes were drawing me in, I could feel myself actually leaning in closer. At the last second, my eyes dropped down to his full soft lips and without even having to think about it I brushed my lips against his.

I had really been going for just a small, gentle kiss, even if I did plan on returning for more. I wanted to tell him that he was being ridiculous if he thought for a moment that I didn't find him excruciatingly handsome. That whether he was bearded or unbearded, widower or bachelor, homeless vagabond or millionaire was of no importance to me. He was just Edward. That was all that mattered.

Edward, though, made that nearly silent moan again, sending shivers through my body. All of a sudden, his hands were on me, wrapping around my hips at first, before he brought one of them up to my neck, sensing I was pulling away. His long fingers gripped the back of my neck, catching some of my hair between them, and held me firmly to his lips.

I had never been kissed like this. There was intensity, or maybe fervor, but it was wrapped in so much gentleness that I almost wanted to cry. This is what I always thought kisses should be like, except never in a million years did I ever guess it would be this good. I sighed and slid my hands, somewhat reluctantly out of his hair. As much as I loved the feel of his hair in my fingers, I could not wait to touch the skin of his chest and back. I had been staring at it for the last hour.

I explored the firm muscles of his broad shoulders, following their indentations over his shoulder blades. The leftover lotion on my hands let my hands move effortlessly over his warm skin. I wanted to reach lower, but I couldn't reach. I was still perched on the counter, leaning over to kiss him.

Edward solved that problem when he tightened his arms completely around me. He pulled me forward and down, completely supporting me until I was straddling his lap and pressed tightly against his bare chest. The hand that was behind my neck twisted into my hair and tilted my head to one side, and when I gasped at the sensation, his warm tongue filled my mouth and I could taste him, that same velvety, buttery spiciness. My tongue met his and they moved together in perfect timing. My mind was swimming, and I needed to breathe, but I didn't want to break away.

We finally did, gasping for air. Before I could completely regain my senses, though, Edward had gathered my hair in his fist, pulling it off my shoulder and kissed my neck, from my jaw to my collarbone. My hands gripped his strong shoulders, needing to hold on for dear life against the dizzying effect of his mouth. He moaned, louder this time, echoing against my ear and ending as he flicked his tongue over my skin.

He started nipping soft little bites with his lips, and trailed them along my collarbone. I had never been vocal about kissing or making out or even sex, but it was like the intensity of the moment had to be expressed audibly and a breathy "Oh..." escaped. His skin, my skin, was heating up and it was more difficult to maintain my grip on his shoulders as the lotion heated.

He came to a stop about midway to my shoulder, pulling back and making this purring, rumbling sound in his chest. Goosebumps and shivers erupted as he very slowly and deliberating rubbed his now-smooth cheek against my skin right there, and I remembered that was the spot that had suffered the scratchiness of his beard that morning. The contrast was thrilling. The sensation of his beard hadn't been bad, even if my skin had prickled at the time. My brain automatically made the comparison though, and it was like feeling both at once. When he turned his lips back to my skin and licked a long pass over the same spot, I felt a rush of sensation all over. Desire was boiling in my veins and I actually felt the cotton of my panties dampen.

"Oh, god. . . Edward." My moan echoed loudly in the room, but I couldn't feel embarrassed because he suddenly pulled me even harder against him at the same time he pulled my mouth back to his. His hand that had been resting on my hip tightened and pushed me closer and down. The wetness I was feeling, more than I ever had before, intensified as I felt _him_. He was hard, so hard, and I could feel him throb against me. I wondered if he could feel how wet I was, and if he found it as amazing as I found his obvious sign of arousal. He groaned into my mouth as we kissed and ground our bodies together.

He released my neck from his grip, apparently satisfied that I wasn't about to go anywhere. His finger left a trail of sensation as he traced the neckline of my pajama top, all the way down, over my breasts. I inhaled deeply and arched my back, wanting to feel his hand on me, and I wasn't disappointed. He cupped me softly, gently, until my breast filled his hand, and I leaned into him.

He released me with both hands, and I could feel his fingertips graze my nipples through my clothes. My pajama top loosened as he quickly unbuttoned it. His hands wrapped around my waist, dragging his thumbs over my stomach, as he licked and kissed his way down to the tops of my breasts, tasting my skin.

"My god Bella, I want to touch you, everywhere. I can't get enough." His voice was low and rough, and it vibrated against my skin. I could feel his lips moving against the swell of my breast.

"I know. . . I want . . . I just . . . I can't . . . " I was gasping for air. My mind was swirling. Why was I objecting? I'd never felt like this before. I wanted to follow after it. I wanted to prove to myself that my childish fantasies about passionate lovers were true.

But now that my doubts had already voiced themselves, they rushed through my brain like a flood. Was Edward just lonely? Was he just tired of being lonely? What if James was right, and I was just...incapable?

Edward froze as he leaned against my chest, and I frantically tried to think of something to tell him so he wouldn't think I was rejecting him. Then I remembered the conversation with the doctor in the hospital. Technically, I was still on restriction from sexual activity. I had just dismissed the thought because I was sure it wasn't going to be an issue. But it was true, and I wouldn't have to find the words to voice the inadequacies I could barely explain in my head.

"Just, the doctor said. Oh, Edward. I can't...not yet." _Please believe me. _

"Of course, I know. I'm sor-" He began. I interrupted with a kiss, my hips grinding against his without thinking and I trembled as I felt him throb against the aching wetness between my thighs. I didn't want him to apologize. I was the one stopping. He had done nothing wrong. I couldn't bring myself to tell him, but this alone was already the best sexual experience I'd ever had.

"Please don't say you're sorry." I begged him.

He nodded. "Soon," he whispered. "When...when we're both ready." His words confused me. He was still hard, extremely hard. He was definitely ready. I started to feel guilty for not following through. After all, I had pretty much started this.

"You're not under doctor's orders." I whispered. "I could. . ." I didn't finish my sentence, letting him know what I meant by running my fingers down his chest and a long the waistband of his pajama pants. My knuckles just brushed over his erection and he groaned. I looked down between our bodies, where I could see the outline of him, straining against the fabric. I was actually confused at his hesitation. Until he wrapped his long fingered hands around my wrists and pulled them up and against his chest.

"When we're both ready." He said, looking intensely into my eyes. I fell forward, burying my face into his warm shoulder, inhaling the scent of his skin. I was both relieved and disappointed. James had never refused an offer. If he had been as worked up as Edward was, he would have pushed me over the counter by now, doctor's orders or not. I was touched by Edward's consideration. I was disappointed that we had to stop, whatever the reason.

We were quiet as our breathing slowed, and I felt guilty as his erection slowly relaxed, because I was sure it was uncomfortable. He just held me for the longest time, and I struggled not to cry at his tenderness and the overwhelming emotions that I was feeling. Instead, I focused on the feel of his skin beneath my cheek and my hands. It was warm, both smooth and hard, his chest hair tickling my stomach pleasantly.

I felt so comfortable and safe here on him, and my eyes started getting heavy. My limbs felt like Jello as I relaxed on him. Eventually he stood, not setting me down like I expected. He held me close to his body, supporting me with one arm around my back and the other under my butt. I followed his lead, wrapping my legs around his waist, smiling into his neck as he made an appreciative sound.

I knew I needed to let go though, as he walked out of the bathroom, flicking off the lights as we moved.

"I should go to bed, I guess." I yawned, exhausted suddenly. I didn't want to let him go, but Jacob would need me eventually.

"Mmhmm." He nodded, his face in my hair. "I agree." But instead of taking me out of the room or putting me down on my feet, he gently lay me down in the middle of his big bed. He tugged the covers out from beneath me, quietly crawling in and spooning behind me.

"But, Jacob..." I objected. I was baffled that he wanted me in here with him, when we hadn't even had sex yet. And I was worried that I wouldn't hear Jacob when he woke up.

"... is fifteen feet away, and doesn't starve quietly. Stay with me." His voice was a pleading whisper that I was powerless to resist. Just like any other part of him.

"Mmkay..." Like I said, very dangerous.

My last thought, before I drifted to sleep wrapped protectively in his arms, was to pray that I wasn't an idiot, again.

* * *

**I may write a few more of these in the future, but I am going to concentrate on the main story. I'm alway open to requests, if there's a scene, chapter, history you'd like to see in future outtakes, I'll definitely keep them in mind.**

**Thank you so much for reading!  
**


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